CODA

So I have been going to this group meeting on Tuesday nights. Last night, I said what I thought at the end. I'll give you the short version:

Me: "So what is up with just sharing? Isnt there anyone to give advice or tell me the best way to solve my problem?"

Them: We think that it is good to listen. To allow people to share without feedback. The people come here tend to have issues with control, etc. After the meeting, feel free to ask advice though."

Me (in my thoughts): "What the hell! There isnt anyone to tell you what to do or how to be? You mean I have to figure this out for myself, no more being led around or manipulated to behave a certain way by people? HUH?"

This is a very foreign concept for me because whether knowingly or unknowlingly people have controlled me my whole life (and apparently I do the same- not malevantly but I do). I have to stand on my own two feet. Try new things. Learn and fail. For a perfectionist like me, this is tricky stuff. To fail. To try but fail. That makes my stomach quesy and YET...there is something very cool about it. Living my own life, with others, but still the choices and decisions are up to me. Maybe there is even more power when you make a choice to submit out of love and not fear of rejection or some silly thing. Wow. Nice. Thanks God....I am a work in progress...I like that.