Something's off

I am stressed inside. Not sure why. There is some unrest. Maybe it is all the "free time" and not enough of putting my heart into something meaningful.

You see, I have these little ideas and I don't run with it because I worry, "What if it doesn't work out, then people will judge my decisions and think I am wack-o". Between you and me, people already think I am different and don't agree with alot of my life choices since walking with Jesus. I can understand that too because in the past I made some decisions that would have looked weird to me too if I didnt know what was motivating me. Also, I did some things out of a misconceived idea of what a christian was. I put my own ideals and life experiences as God's. Even now, I catch myself with a very biased view of what someone who loves and follows God looks like (and I am not talking just physically). I get impatient when people don't "hear me" but then I turn around and do that same thing to the ones I love. I see that in me and it stings, I see how desperately short "mel's love" is for those who need the real deal. I am motivated to dig deeper but I also understand that it's ok to not be the best and rest in the grace God pours out on everyone. It is my belief that He is gracious to ALL people, not just the ones who live by a certain set of rules or say all the right things. ALL.