been there, eyes open

Well, I have an complex friendship brewing with a guy that I find so easy to be around, he is also interested in film-making. There are moments when my mind entertains thoughts of "what if". Yet, it isn't that easy, is it ever....people are human. He has this part of his life that I just can't connect with. He uses drugs recreationally. In my heart, I see him in ways that make no sense. Looking at him beneath all that, the little moments...unfortunately I am so deeply biased in this area. How do I love him, but not lead him on or worse, grow attached to a romantic ideal. That is tough. I feel the need to fix and help but that is not love, not really.

I think too, I have this hyper judgemental side that when I get confronted with this, even though I myself have been there- I find myself being critical. Strange. It brings my mind back to how much I have been forgiven and just what Jesus saw me through.

Please, hold my heart in your hands God. Give me courage to not always want to seek the "safe" way. I pray heaps of God's kind of love for my friend...Tonight's thoughts are just random babblings...