shocker!

Here is a big confession from me: I want to be perfect, and have people think I am perfect. And yet with my brain, I know that is not true and I don't carry myself like I think I am all that. What is that about?

Tonight I had a little complaining moment and afterwards I thought, 'I shouldn't have done that, what does that guy I work with (on a film project) think of me..that I am a big whiny baby or I don't want to work hard, or any number of things'. It has really got my mind in a pickle.

It makes me feel exposed, in a way. Part of me doesn't like that feeling. .

God, why do I panic when I say anything that shows a bit of "me" to certain strangers---ecspecially something that may be less than stellar. I wish I was more brave...